I sit here at the breakfast table feeling at peace looking out at the gloomy overcast sky… A little sadness is welling up from deep within grabbing my attention, wanting to disturb this tranquil moment. Disturbance seems to be the Flavour of the Month in my neighbourhood lately with noisy political election campaign demonstrations occurring nightly; the karaoke singing belting the air waves on full volume until the early morning hours. Loud traffic noise and barking dogs all add to the mix. Could this emotion be connected with lack of sleep?
Well, of course, that is what the mind would have me believe, but I have learnt over the past few years that there is always an opportunity to explore more deeply into the feeling, finding the gift within the context of what the Universe is presenting to me.
I breathe into the sadness, following the cookie crumbs that lead me way back to my childhood – memories of growing up in an unhealthy family environment, with noisy arguments and physical violence, resulting in my parents’ separation and eventually divorce. Looking around the edges of ‘my world’ at present, I notice some of my close friends are engaging in some form of dysfunctional relationships, which in turn is flushing up my own unhealed family trauma.
My thoughts fade when the neighbour’s pet Labrador releases a distressing howl when she hears her six puppies whimpering, wanting to be reunited with her. She now barks constantly, ever since the vet advised that she be separated from the litter.
Sadness again arises and knowing there is nothing outside of myself – I wonder “what is the symbology of the noise pollution and the disagreements and lack of communication in the relationships of those around me?”
As I ponder this question, I notice a new package of fishing line sitting on the table and decide to spool it before it becomes entangled.
Ha! It takes less than five seconds before it is a huge tangled mess!
The mind chatter is quick to judge and shouts, “You started with the wrong end and now look what you have done!”
Oh, boy! What a knotted mess this is and the desire and intension was to effortlessly wind it onto a spool; a neat and tidy, easy to use, and easy to control spool.
It is difficult to believe how quickly this thread became so entangled.
I feel my nervous system is just like this knotted, twisted mess and is `on edge’ even when I am engaging in friendly casual conversation.
Relationship is all about relating, not entanglement. So what is all of this mirroring to me?
Finding an end after searching for a few minutes, I begin to untangle the knots, thinking at one point that this will be an impossible task.
‘No, nothing is impossible.’ A voice in my head answers very quickly and clearly.
Any huge tangled mess can be untangled and re-wound, although it will take a lot of patience, calmness, and the willingness to do so.
‘Devotion and Trust’ are the words I keep hearing as I begin the process of unravelling the twisted web of line in front of me.
Feeling relaxed I smile and playfully wonder the symbology of what is arising in this moment for me to truly look at. One moment I have a perfectly packaged nylon thread and with just one short pull it instantly transforms before my eyes as this huge tangled mess. It seems impossible that it could end up like this in just a few seconds with me being so careful of this not happening.
Sitting in full presence, I study the knots, looking closely to see the twists and loops, following the line of thread through the openings. Time melts with each breath, the body relaxes as this becomes very therapeutic and I discover that this is the Key.
Following the thread, loosening the tension, opening the loops and unwinding the twists is freeing the tangle, and now on to the next section looking for another opening.
Slowly and patiently I am making progress, up until I get to the core, the middle of this tangled web.
‘Oh look there is the other end’ I think excitedly but I feel tension returning to the body when I start working from the opposite end in a hurried anticipation that I am nearly done. Disappointment is all I can profess with the centre still in a huge clump of knots.
I have managed to unravel the two ends quite a way into the centre but looking at the whole scenario before me is rather daunting to say the least.
“Oh!” I sigh. “That’s enough for now! I give up!”
Before this thought has faded from the mind I hear laughter filling the room as Raz enters and says, “That looks like fun. Want some help?”
Immediately the old persona pattern wants to voice firmly, “No, thank you!” but I catch myself before the words slip of my tongue; I let go of all control and superiority and allow myself to receive the help offered.
But wait a minute “isn’t this what this whole tangled mess is about?”
This is a really old core pattern of mine, very subtle at times, and manipulative in a sneaky slimy way that feels like heavy sludge…
Where am I trying to control the Universe and not accept the Reality of what is truly happening.
I look up at Raz’s broad smile as he bends to pick up one of the ends and I lean back into the chair with a sigh of gratitude for his help and say quietly, “Thank You”.
I observe as the remaining knotted mess seemingly grows larger but sit quietly watching. Raz skilfully plays with the tangles and within a few minutes he has untangled the complete ball of nylon thread and wound it onto the spool.
Just as quickly as it became entangled it astonishingly becomes untangled.
This shows me how effortlessly and freeing it is to work in harmony with another; especially when there is full presence with breath and no hidden agendas; there is no competition, no comparing and no judgement. There is no seriousness either, just a supportive playful happy relationship moved by love.
And isn’t that what we all truly desire?
I feel so grateful for my own journey of awareness, breathing into what the loving Universe is truly showing me. I could have easily gone back to bed and fallen asleep (yet again) under the spell of the minds logic that this is all that was needed; only to be jolted by another disturbance and have something else to complain about.
Entanglement restricts the flow of breath, adds confusion to the mind, which leads to being ‘caught up’ in limitation and drama, resulting in the loss of my own peace and purpose.
Thank God I can choose anew in any moment and allow inspiration to move through me, with clear guidance on how to Extend Love and Light Eternally.